Whod you bang
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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