if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
