My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
