New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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