i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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