i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
