I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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