I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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