Did you just see the Batmobile???
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
