I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
