Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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