Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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