i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
