One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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