I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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