This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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