when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
