so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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