I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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