Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
