so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
