You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What a dumb baby whore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Pooping to opera.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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