This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
