It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
