I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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