drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
