I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
