our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
