He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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