I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
