dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
