I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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