You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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