Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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