so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
