Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
