So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
