yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
