Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
