Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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