Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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