I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
