I think I died a long time ago.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
