Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
