my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
