I'm really into asian looking animals
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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