this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
