I wish I only lived at night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this will be a night to untag.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
