I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
