i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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