I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
