if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
