Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
