I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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