I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
