i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
