I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
