Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
