I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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