a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
