why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
