my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
