I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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