fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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