You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
