things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
