after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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