Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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