I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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