i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
