If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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