Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
