i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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