I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
