When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
