I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
