farters have to be the big spoon...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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