Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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