And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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