Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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