I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize