I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
