Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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