Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
