No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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