enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
